


Fitton

by timeladyleo



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Gen, cabin pressure advent, genderfluid Martin, trans Douglas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyleo/pseuds/timeladyleo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Cabin Pressure advent Fitton prompt: trans Cabin Pressure headcanons. Basically most of my headcanons for both Douglas and Martin whisked up into one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fitton

Something has been bothering Martin for some time, Douglas could tell. Whatever it was had been especially bad this week, because the captain had been on edge and snappy more so than his usual uptight self. He’d even shouted at Arthur and not immediately apologised, which was how Douglas knew something was wrong.

Douglas also knew better than to ask outright when Martin was being so snippy because if pressed he would become defensive, which wouldn’t be helpful at all. He has thought about asking, but had decided it would be better if Martin were to admit any problems of his own free will.

It happened to be on a cargo flight to Singapore when Douglas found out. He had assumed the whole trip was going to be conducted in silence, without Arthur or Carolyn to tease because Herc had taken them both somewhere on a short trip.

“Douglas?” Martin broke the silence first, pulling Douglas out of his thoughts about their little airline.

“Martin.” he said, looking over to the captain.

“Can- can I tell you something?” Martin was tense, clearly nervous.

“Of course you can.” Douglas was trying very hard not to sound sarcastic or dismissive, as he hoped that this would be the confession, and then he could go back to teasing Martin without his head being bitten off.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone else at all or laugh or- or actually don’t say anything at all, okay?” Martin was completely serious. Douglas nodded. This was obviously important to Martin, and Douglas was beginning to wonder if it was more serious than he’d expected.

“You have my word.”

Martin hesitated. “Oh, I don’t even know why you’re the first person I’m telling. You’ll probably just make fun of me like usual.” Martin’s tone was bitter, and Douglas found himself suddenly regretting how far he pushed sometimes.

“I promise I won’t make fun of you, Martin. If i’m the first to know then it must be of the utmost importance, and I-”

“Shut up, Douglas, you’re not helping!” Martin snapped,flustered. Douglas said nothing, waiting as Martin breathed deeply a few times.

“Okay, what do you- no, how much do you know about, well, different genders?” Douglas blinked in surprise. That had been furthest from his expectations.

“More than you think I do.” he said, watching his own surprise reflected in Martin.

“Oh.” he said softly, as if that had spoiled his pre-prepared script. “Douglas, I think- well, I am- well, I’m not at all. I mean-”

“I think what you’re trying to say, is that you feel you do not fit a gender binary, correct?” Douglas interjected, not enjoying watching Martin fumble for words.

“Y-yes, that’s it. So… you do know?” Martin visibly relaxed, after getting over his initial surprise. Douglas allowed himself a small smile.

“I really do. I understand more than you imagine.” An almost inaudible sigh escaped him, one that Martin didn’t seem to notice.

“And also, uh, well, as well as that, I- I don’t know what it’s called when I’m not… I’m attracted to men.” he managed to say, this time without help. His face had flushed red, though Douglas suspected that was less because of embarrassment, and more to do with relief.

“Oh, Martin, if you honestly thought I was going to laugh at you about this, then you have me sorely mistaken. I may tease you for a lot of things, but I would never, ever tease you for that.” Douglas placed a hand on the captain’s shoulder for reassurance.

“I’m- thank you, Douglas. I didn’t expect, well, anyone to take it so well.” His breathing was still audible, though now a smile touched his lips.

“It’s obviously been bothering you for a while. You’ve been especially on edge all week.”

“Yeah.” Martin murmured, looking down as if lost in thought. “I wonder how Carolyn and Arthur will take it.”

“You’re going to tell them?”

“I don’t exactly have much choice now, do I?” Martin snapped, becoming tense again. Douglas moved his hand away.

“I’m not going to say a word if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Oh, _really_ , of _course_ not. No, you and Carolyn most definitely won’t talk about it behind my back and laugh-”

“ _Martin_.” Douglas’ tone was icy. “You have shared something deeply personal with me, and I wouldn’t dare share it with anyone, no matter how lowly you want to think of me.”

Martin’s whole face went bright red again, his mouth falling open as if horrified at what he had said. “Douglas, I didn’t mean-”

“No, of course you didn’t.” Douglas’ tone was still scathing. “By all means, assume that I think a person’s gender and sexuality can be turned into a joke, but I assure you, that assumption could not be further from the truth.” He could tell from Martin’s awkward shuffling that he was becoming uncomfortable. Douglas knew Martin hadn’t meant it, but somehow he couldn’t stop.

“Douglas-”

“No, let me finish. Because perhaps it would make you more confident of my trustworthiness if you were to know something about me, too.” Should he tell Martin? It had been such a long time since he had even really thought about it, let alone admit it to someone else, and now all the words were slipping out uncontrollably.

“Douglas, I-”

“I was born female, Martin.” There it was, the truth. Douglas didn’t dare look at Martin, able to see the captain’s wide eyes and open mouth in his mind’s eye. He could feel his heart racing, wondering if he had made a mistake. Martin was silent for some time, the atmosphere in the flight deck growing colder and more uncomfortable the more both pilots thought about what the admissions they had just given and heard.

Finally, Martin spoke. “I’m sorry, Douglas. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I’m glad I told you first.” He spoke so sincerely that Douglas couldn’t help but look over. Martin’s eyes shone with tears, the freckles on his red nose more prominent than ever.

“You don’t need to apologise, Martin. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. Thank you for telling me first.” Douglas looked away, feeling almost as though he’d just been running rather than sat in an aeroplane.

“What flight time do you have?” Martin asked, changing the subject abruptly. Douglas almost didn’t want him to. It had been a long time since he’d met anyone who had understood what it was like to be uncertain of the body one lived in.

“Easily another three hours.” They fell into another silence. Both knew that someone would have to be said to put any uneasy feelings they had to bed, because they couldn’t fly an aeroplane together like this.

Martin was cross at himself for not trusting Douglas. Though he usually did make fun, he hadn’t this time and had never intended to, and Martin felt he should have been able to tell when the first officer was being sincere. He had pushed too far, and made Douglas admit to something he probably hadn’t intended to, and that no-one would have ever guessed, which was rather the point.

Douglas, meanwhile, was conflicted over his confession. He hadn’t really meant to tell Martin, and he hadn’t thought about what he was saying until it had been said. And yet, it didn’t feel like he would regret it, as Martin understood what it was like. Douglas’ only worry was that he had made Martin feel too uncomfortable to talk about himself.

It was Douglas who broke the silence this time. “Martin, listen to me. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I want you to know that if you would like to talk about it, we can. Otherwise, we never have to mention it again.”

Martin drew a shaky breath, glad that Douglas wasn’t angry with him. “Thank you.” he said, his voice trembling as tears threatened to run down his face.

Douglas looked over and frowned. “Martin, it’s okay. It really is completely okay.”

Martin couldn't stop the tears as they welled up, first hanging on his eyelashes and then an unstoppable torrent, racing down to his chin. He wasn't sad, though, just relieved. He had been wrestling with who he thought he was by himself all this time, when it turned out the person who understood the most had, in fact, been there all along.

They spent the rest of the trip opening up, getting to know each other all over again and realising that they both understood each other better than they ever imagined. 


End file.
